SOMETHING, NOTHING, AND JUST BECAUSE

Something: We got our I-171H renewal in the mail this week. It was more involved than I had realized, as we had to have our homestudy updated, which became complicated, since our old homestudy agency is no longer in business here in CO and we had to start with a new home study/post placement social worker (Kate now - with LFS). The paperwork never ends, but it kept us busy and we're good to go again with US Immigration.

Nothing: No movement on our case this week, maybe next week...

Just Because: New dreamy pics of Guido. (I know, I know, he's not our kid, but he IS now an important part of our family - enjoy!)

Love to all,

smj

"ANYTHING YET?"

We now know that corrected document #1 has finally been retrieved. But we also learned that the retrieval timeline for document #2 is somewhat unknown. (We don't think document #3 will be as difficult to get.)

We had a conference call today with some of the team, both in ET and in TX, which was helpful in that we were able to learn a little more about happenings in country affecting our case. Of course, as the 2 month rainy season court closure begins to loom over our case, once again, I had to try to get a feel for the 'reality' of our timeline. And, of course, there is no way of knowing for sure what will happen...Gladney's team is truly hopeful that our case will make it through before the court closure, and so we will be hopeful, too. What do we have, if we don't have hope?!?

We wait now to hear of news about the needed documents, and hope for something great to happen to catapult our case into and successfully out of court before August so we can go get this little girl and BRING. HER. HOME!!!

Praying simply for that patience we need to keep the main thing the main thing! Love to all,

smj out

FRUITFUL

At a vineyard in Oregon June ‘04

A notable pastor I know preached a pretty good sermon this Mother’s Day Sunday about life on the vine. My favorite nuggets were:
* Being fruitful, adding to the kingdom continually.
* We are to be on the vine, because without the vine we can do nothing, without Jesus we can do nothing.
* The fruit of the spirit is produced IN the disciple, not BY the disciple.
* People will see the disciple way before they see Jesus.
* Being on the vine is deeply relational.
* What would it be like to truly say, “I’m just dependent on Jesus to lead me through”?

What about all this? Well, I’m sure God has seen it all. What can this world do to us if he is with us? 'If God is for us, who can be against us?' If we are truly dependent on him, and also fruitfully adding to the kingdom continually, then this is where true life begins. Hard to do in times of struggle, times of frustration, but always a good place to reach for. It has been over a year since the referral of Koko to us, when we were officially matched. I remember last Mother’s Day clearly, still on that high of seeing her face for the first time…But then, we keep going, clinging to all things good in our lives, working hard at being fruitful, trusting that, even though forward movement seems foggy at best, in time we will see her face in person. Some day.

Some day when it’s time…

Happy Mother’s Day,
smj

DREAM ON

Blog post disclaimer: I never want to come across as too whiney or complain-ey; after all, we signed up for this whole adoption thing…

But, alas, it helps me to process and maybe vent a little on the blog.

Bottom line. I want her home so bad it hurts. The controlling part of me just can’t stop perseverating on the powerless part of it all. We are powerless to do anything or affect any timelines at this point. We can’t make anyone hurry this up – it feels so ridiculous. I know the human condition is such that people make mistakes, don’t move on the same seemingly urgent timelines, they don’t have the same strong feelings about different things. Good thing, and bad thing, I guess.

The pain is real, though.
It’s so real that I just stop and cry every so often.
It’s so real that a few choice foul and angry words occasionally come out of my mouth.
It’s so real that I look for someone to blame.
It’s so real that, once in a while, I can’t fathom the reality of Koko coming home.

But then, I know it will happen – it’s just another frailty of the human condition to wallow in the negatives of ‘what ifs’ and ‘woe is me’.

(voice from somewhere) “Snap. Snap.” “Snap out of it, Susan!” “Or are you Debbie Downer?!?”

This morning as I drove to work I allowed myself to do a little imagining, as I tend to do from time to time. I imagined that we finally got a phone call from Jessica telling us we are finally parents. I try to imagine where we will be when that call comes, or better, when it will come. And then I imagine that we joyfully scramble to pack, get plane tickets, a place to stay – nothing will be more important than getting there.

And then…
And then…we get there, and we get to hold our daughter for the first time, the girl we’ve been watching grow since 2 months old. We hold her and it is a moment like no other…

Mmmmmmmmm…..
Ahhhhhhhh…..
So nice….

(the voice again) “Snap. Snap.” “Snap out of it, Susan!” “You, dreamer, you.”

Stay tuned…because I know when it happens, it will be so much better than my silly little daydream, the real thing will send even more goose bumps and joyful tears. I know life will never be the same.

My little dreamy doggie just stood up on his back legs with his paws on the couch (this is how he asks to be picked up) and so I picked him up and set him next to me, he curled up in a little ball next to me (pretty darn comforting), as if he knows…maybe he knows his little cute-ness is a little tiny help, when I’m a little tiny sad.

Here's to all the silly dreamers out there.
Smj out.