WHEN YOU'RE DONE CHANGING, YOU'RE DONE.

Isn't it true....When you're done changing, you're done...

I originally found this quote while searching for something inspiring to share with families and staff at my new building, as there are quite a few things that I will gently need to "change" as we journey from good to great as a organization...no small task when things there have been pretty much status quo and maybe even a bit stagnant for the last 8 years.

But it also speaks to our journey to Koko. We've changed and learned a lot over the last few months, in fairly miniscule ways to a deeper changing of the heart and mind as we continue to grow in character. It continues to be hard, to wait, to stay positive to expect good news, to continue to be disappointed by yet another delay or road block in the process. We can't make sense of it, it's not possible to make sense of it because there is often no rhyme or reason to the process, we've learned.

So, for now, enough of trying to be all philosophical. Bottom line - we wait. It's what we do.

But hey - I found a little tiny Mickey Mouse in my box of Frosted Mini Wheats this morning and since I don't have a human child to give it to, of course I gave it to my furry-dog-child to play with. Guido's been rather attached to it all day. Also, he went with me to work today and apparently when I was working, some of the residents decided to feed him ham for lunch, or so it looked that way when he threw it up this afternoon on the couch. No offense sweet little elderly residents of the nursig home, but - NO PEOPLE FOOD FOR OUR DOGGIE! This is strictly not allowed. Chad said he's going to head over to the nursing home and take somebody out! (Right.) He's a protective furry-dog-child daddy. It's pretty sweet. I'm sure this is nothing compared to how huge his heart will swell for Koko when she's home! So, we dream, we keep counting the days/weeks, and we hope for a little good news when we least expect it.

Good night family,

smj

GUIDO-NESS

Here's some dreamy Guido-ness for you this Valentine's Day. He's 6 months old now. Love to all!

smj

MMMMMMMMMM.....

As I sit here fairly exhausted from finishing up with our annual state health department inspection today (they came in Monday, my first official day in my new facility here in Littleton, with a brand new management company, and tons of the new people in to help with the transition...), I find myself overwhelmed with lots of different feelings. Probably partly because I'm tired from 4 Looooong days at work, but I think mostly from the whole overwhelming enchilada of life. Sometimes it's like that, right? Lots of things happening all at the same time. I just have to sit back and let my mind take it all in...

a) There are BIG changes at work, with a new boat load of challenging but exciting expectations...it's got my mind so full...
b) A dreamy little doggie that doesn't seem to be getting a lot bigger (teeny and cute!) but who is now doing this new snorting, wheezing, sneezing, sniffling thing that seems concerning...(yes, we even worry about our "boy"!)
c) Knowing that our Immigration Approval is about to expire and that we have to start from scratch with a whole new homestudy agency since our old one went out of business - more paperwork, more check writing - Sooooo frustrating...
d) Keeping our expectations at bay with the knowledge that this adoption timeline just is unpredictable - we prepare ourselves for weeks more of waiting...

Oh the 'rush' of it all.

Jessica gave us a bit of news that basically says the process is moving, but that we are still on that same 'several weeks more' timeline. Someday it will happen, someday Koko will be in our arms...

someday when it's time.

May everyone have peace where ever life has you...
much love,
smj

I think I'll have a cold drink and let my doggie provide some much needed 'therapy' now!

A LITTLE BROKEN

As expected,...it was a no go on today's court date.

Our file has been closed until all new paperwork is obtained. No new court date is being assigned until then. And the request for a new court date may not be made for a month or so yet. And once the request is made we shouldn't expect that new court date for 10+ weeks.

So...to give it to you straight - best case scenario is a May-ish court date.

I prefer not to do so much math.

This pretty much hurts.

It pretty much breaks our hearts.

It.

Breaks.

Our.

Hearts.

Folks, she's sprouting - growing like a weed.

Enjoy an update - for sure we will cling to every joyful word we receive about Koko over the next few months:

“She is looking good. When I came to visit she was out sunbathing with her roommates. As you can see from the photo, she is now sitting on her own. She is doing great, and seems to be doing something new with each week that goes by… such a quick learner. The caregivers say that she is eating well, and growing fast!”--Ryan
Weight: 7.8kg

Love to you all,

smj

DECEMBER KOKO UPDATE.

“She still wants to put everything into her mouth that she can get a hold of, which including my shirt and papers! I guess that should be expected from a child of her age! Overall, she has been doing splendidly, is in good health, and looks terrific. As a result of growing both in size and developmentally, she has become much more comfortable when she is upright. She amazed me with how much weight she could bear on her legs; I wasn't even holding her, just keeping her balance! Speaking of balance, she is still trying to get the hang of sitting on her own. She is so close to being able to sustain it, just not quite there! Still, her strength is very evident, as is her confidence, and she has become even more courageous and curious of the things around her. She is a very calm little girl, and just loves it when you give her attention. She will soak up everything that you give her." --Phillip Weight: 7.3kg

Still no new update on where things are at with our case or how the progress is going with getting our file ready to submit for another new court date. Nada. We did recently get some beautiful photos of Koko from a traveling family. They’re gorgeous. We are so thankful. Truly. Since there is not other new news, how about this – just part of “Desiderata”, which I saw plastered on the wall in one of our resident’s rooms the other day. I liked most of it, cut out parts I didn’t, to share with you here:

Go, amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.
If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Do not be blinded to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.
With all its drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
- Max Ehrmann

Happy new year, we love you all,
smj